DA YOOPER CREATION STORY

HOLY WUH-YOOPONICS

TALE OF TWO COWS

OUTCOME BASED EDUCATION

P TLE RED RIDING HOOD

WATCHING A YOOPER TAKE FORM

FARM SUPPORT

BAN ASSAULT VEHICLES

BIBLE ACCORDING TO CHILDREN

JUST FOR FUN:

WATCHING A YOOP TAKE FORM COULD BE A BLAST, YA KNOW

FLINT -- This trend toward breaking up things -- what we used call the U.S.S.R., Yugoslavia -- seems to be spreading.

A group in northern California has revived the idea of creating a new state out of the northern part, from just north of San Francisco on up.  It would be a good place to grow pot and do macrame, you know?

Quebec still makes noises about going its own way, though I don't know who or what the Quebecers would have to complain about without the Canadian government.

Will Da Yoop be next?

It's only a matter of time until the yoopers again bring up the idea of seceding from the rest of Michigan and creating a new state of Upper Michigan.

One possible name I heard kicked around was "Superior", though I think the only thing they'd be superior in is the number of pine stumps and rocks.

Maybe they could call it Yooperville.

Or Da Yoop.

I don't know why they'd want to be a state.  A few years ago, I saw a report that predicted if the U.P. became a state, it would knock Arkansas out of last place in the rankings for state spending on education. Arkansas is no longer in the bottom spot, but I'll bet the Yoop would still replace whichever state does hold that honor, because there's not a lot of industry up there.

I'll bet the top two employers in the northern peninsula are the state government and the state government.  Tourism is probably third, though with the recession, things must really be slow at the fudge shops and pasty stands.

And anyway, the Yoop doesn't have to secede to become another state.  It's already different state of mind, if not a whole 'nother world.  I spent a fair amount of time in the upper region, and it is truly in a strange place.

-- One form of entertainment is to drive down to the local dump and watch the bears sort through the day's additions (I admit, this activity is more popular with visitors than natives).

-- You can get wood from a lumber yard that still has green bark on it.

-- You have to be sort of self-reliant to live in the Upper Peninsula, and this pioneer spirit has led to some pretty awful examples of home construction and repair.

In some areas, building inspectors and building codes are still a new and unfamiliar concept.

That's probably not a big issue, though.  There is so little economic activity that some areas haven't seen any new construction in decades.

-- The road department puts tall sticks of wood along the roads, so they'll be able to find them after the snowstorms hit, and the plows don't accidentally cut open a new route through to Rock or Pine Stump Junction.

And speaking of snow plows, a lot of the U.P. blows are almost as big as railroad locomotives, so they can find the darned things when the snow gets deep.  (Yoopers who want to secede should think about that:  With their economy, where are they going to get the money to pay for that kind of equipment?)

-- It's a long distance from anywhere to everywhere in the Yoop, and a fair number of yoopers travel at high speed to get there.  They talk about 100-mile trips the same way some of us talk about going to the mall.

Actually, I'm not up to the creation of a new state of Da Yoop.

They already talk kind of funny; a surprising number of Yoopers have adopted the strange Canadian habit of saying "Eh?" after every sentence.

Ya know, eh?

We could always set up a customs booth at the south end of the bridge, to keep the yoopers from sending too much smoked fish down here.

Watching the formation of the new state of Da Yoop would be as entertaining as watching the former Soviet republics struggle toward self-government, only not as dangerous, because the Yoopers don't have nuclear weapons.

Thank goodness, eh?

Escanaba's reply to follow!!! ==========================================================

HOW WOULD FLINT LIKE A PASTY WITH A MULTIPLE WARHEAD?

By Robert B. Gregg, Daily Press Publisher

ESCANABA.  When will the trolls who live under the bridge understand us?

The vast majority of people who live in the Upper Peninsula harbor no ambition to secede from the rest of Michigan.

As far as we know, only one person has suggested that we form the state of "Superior."

We don't need to create a new state.  We already know we're superior.

And we're not just "pine stumps" and "rocks."

We are pristine waters, glorious sunsets, primeval forests, wildlife and friendly people.  Items hard to find in Flint.

People from Flint come here to vacation among our beautiful woods and waters.  Residents of the U.P. rarely, if ever, vacation in Flint.

What does that tell you?

Flint is the only city in Michigan where all the attractions are "out of town."

Flint is also a place where the "bypass" goes right through the downtown, because no one cared if they bulldozed it or not.

By the way, how's Auto World doing?

To compare the Upper Peninsula with Arkansas is an affront.  It is almost as humiliating as being compared to Flint.  Only being compared to Oklahoma could be worse.  After all, what can you say for a state whose slogan is "Oklahoma is O.K."

As for the education of our children, we would be happy to compare the SAT scores of Upper Peninsula students with those from Flint and Detroit.

Please note that the forest products industry is our number one employer. We'd also bet there are more people on the government payroll in the Flint area than in the entire Upper Peninsula.

As for being a "different state of mind" and "whole 'nother world"... you bet we are, and we are proud of it.

We're that world you people in Flint dream about.

We're the world you come to when you need to "get away from it all."

We've been told that the best view of Flint is seeing it in your rear view mirror.

We have virtually no serious crime.  We get along with one another.  We don't lock doors every time we leave our house or car for a few minutes.

Houses are affordable and the recreational possibilities are endless.

You'll be interested to know that our bears no longer roam the dumps.  We have landfills just like you city folk.

Since the dumps closed we are a little more concerned about losing some elementary school kids, but it hasn't happened yet.

It is true.  Many of us get our own wood for heating our homes, but then we have trees (something rare in Flint).

We are self-reliant.  We have a pioneer spirit.  You've got us right... finally!

We have building inspectors and building codes.  They are not new or unfamiliar concepts here.  And they must be working.  No slums here.

There are areas that are economically hardpressed, but we don't cry about it as much as you trolls do.

Sure the snow gets deep up here, but thousands of snowmobilers and cross country skiers from below the bridge don't seem to mind.  Check out the northbound lanes of I-75 on Friday nights.

Those people are leaving the "wonerful" city life for the Upper Peninsula. We couldn't find anyone here leaving to visit Flint.

Sure we like to travel around the U.P. because we know there's a lot to see and do here.

Somehow, you would like to see us form our own state.  That doesn't surprise us considering that it must be embarrassing to have such a beautiful pristine wilderness while Flint clutters up the Lower Peninsula.

We are Michigan's best half.

One other thing.

We don't need nuclear weapons.

We've got !  We'll point a few of those at Flint and watch the siege begin.

We will keep our smoked fish if you don't want them, but that would be your mistake.

Thank goodness.  You bet.

And most of Michigan's "goodness" lies north of the bridge.

Go ahead.

Make fun of us.

We in the U.P. enjoy having fun.

However, it seems you folks in Flint are a bit mean-spirited.

C'mon up an visit us in the U.P.

It just might change your outlook on life.

Check your paranoia at the bridge.