PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everybody else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. the government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. the government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. the government gives you all the eggs and milk as the regulations say you should need.

M: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighborshelp you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

CHINESE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for having two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. the government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Gephardt and Bonier decide who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The democrats promise to give you two cows if you vote for them. After the election they blame Noot and the GOPpers for making them renege on their promises. Evidence show that Bill Clinton speculated in cattle futures.

BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and they go mad. The government does nothing.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that they take both of them, shoots one, pours the milk down the drain. Then they require you to fill out 27 forms accounting for the missing cows.

ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take your cows.

INDONESIAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly- listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option for one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shiu is bad.

ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war mongering intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

COUNTER-CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like...these two cows man. You got to have some of this milk.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.