These cute statements were
written by actual students and are genuine,
authentic and not re-touched or corrected:
In the first book of the Bible,
Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world,
so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to
in pears.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a
ball of fire by night.
Samson was a strongman who let himself be led
astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the
Apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they
made unleavened bread which is bread without any
ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get
the ten ammendments.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to
eat the apple.
The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and
mother.
The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit
adultery.
Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of
Geritol.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua
told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the
liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of
people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and
700 porcupines.
When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus,
she sang the Magna Carta.
When the three wise guys from the
east side arrived, they found Jesus in the
manager.
Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate
contraption.
St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his
head.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to
do one to others before they do one to you.
He also explained, "a man doth not live by
sweat alone."
It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead
and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
The people who followed the Lord were called the
12 decibels.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also
a taximan.
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He
preached holy acrimony, which is another name for
marriage.
A Christian should have only one spouse. This is
called monotony.
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